... ** How do you scare men? - Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice
** What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? - The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
** Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for men? - No phone numbers.
** Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man than a woman? - Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
** How many men does it take to pop popcorn? - Three . . . one to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.
How many men to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the bulb and one to collect the medal.
** How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? - We don't know . . it's never happened. Q. What do you call a man who's lost 95% of his brain? A. A widower.
** What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
** What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
** How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
** How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases beer instead of one.
** What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man? Big Foot's been spotted several times.
** What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says.."
** What is the quickest way to a man's Heart ??? Through his chest with a sharp knife .......
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes.
** My secret fantasy is to have two men at the same time.... One cooking and one cleaning.
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung? A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q: How do men define a "50/50" relationship? A: We cook -- they eat; we clean -- they dirty; we iron -- they wrinkle.
Q: How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? A: All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: ONE .........He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q: What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? A: Any place without a drive-up window.
** How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.
** Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
** How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know; it has never happened.
** Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
** What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
** When do you care for a man's company? When he owns it.
** How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely short.
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? - The man.
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? - His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? - Slow.
What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? - Castrated.
