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Keeping you amused every Monday morning!! ==================================== Vol. 12, No. 08 November 13th, 2000 ==================================== By Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email http://www.JokeEmail.com ==================================== ISSN number - ISSN 1471-020X ==================================== Subscribers: Over 26,545!!! For details for all Joke Email advertising, click here =========================================================== This Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. If you wish to unsubscribe, you can find instructions at the end of this Ezine. FORWARD JOKE Email onto your friends - make everyone start their week amusingly!!!
** Okay, what did you expect? We simply have to run a joke email full to the brim of Election 2000 jokes! Yes, this is a special edition, with a few of the regular jokes at the bottom - but mostly jokes and humor about the Amercian Democratic process! Personally, I can't believe what's going on. And I can't see where it's going to end. But if you have an opinion, I reckon you should head over to http://www.jokeemail.com right now to vote in our poll. But it's no 'CNN - NBC' type poll - ours is polling the question everyone is asking... "If the Presidency comes down to a bare knuckle streetfight, who'd win?
To put in your cents worth (and see what everybody else thinks) get over to http://www.jokeemail.com NOW! I think the results are starting to look very interesting!
Keep laughing ;-) Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email
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+=- Election Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** Al Gore is on the cover of Rolling Stone next issue; rumor has it his "package" was airbrushed, purportedly to *reduce* the size of his he-man alpha-male package so as not to offend any of RS's readers.
Clearly, Al Gore is going for the schwing voters.
+=- Florida Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Q: How many Floridians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Four! No, Two! No ... um ... wait. Can I let you know in six hours?
+=- TV Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** New Version of "Survivor" Series to debut...
Network television is developing a "Texas Version" of "Survivor", the popular TV show.
Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and Lubbock... ....driving a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: "I'm for Gore, I'm Gay and I'm Here to Take Your Guns".
The first to complete the round trip is the winner !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GOD DOESN’T KNOW THIS: http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/forward2.html REAL CYBERSEX… http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/cybersex.html R U Smart? http://www.dailymegajoke.com/pass/smart.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1)
+=- More Election Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** I looked at the network television schedule for tonight (election night in the USA) and saw that I had four choices -- election coverage, election coverage, election coverage, and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
Some choice -- all the shows are about blood-sucking parasites who are masters of deception and prey on the innocent.
+=- Bad Pun Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** The two major party presidential candidates today agreed that Americans are seeing too much inappropriate material in popular entertainment.
However, they disagreed on the details...
The Republican candidate, George W Bush, stated that there is too much bloody violence in the movies and on television. Vice President Al Gore, his Democratic opponent, stated meanwhile that the media present Amercians with too much sex and frontal nudity.
In other words, Bush says there is too much gore, and Gore says there is too much bush.
-From David Diamond
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+=- CNN Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** There's lies, damn lies, statistics, and CNN election calling.
+=- Clinton (Hilary) Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** So I envision Hillary sitting next to Jean Carnahan (who is taking her dead husband's Senate seat)... and Hillary thinking "gee...if I'd have known it could be that easy, I'd have bumped off Bill long ago"
+=- More Election Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** Notice that there really are differences between the parties:
At Bush/Cheney Headquarters, they broke out the champagne. At Gore/Lieberman Headquarters, they broke out the whines.
** November is when we close our eyes, bow our heads and give thanks for the turkeys we are about to receive. Then we vote.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Would you like to have some fun in your box? Subscribe to Hilarity and the hottest and sexiest jokes will come in your mailbox FREE Why wait? You can get turned on today! Send a blank email to IWantAdultJokes@keepAhead.com Want more FREE ezines? Visit us at www.keepAhead.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1/1)
+=- Sexist Jokes: Men ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** "I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?"
"She wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
+=- Sexist Jokes: Women ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** This guy was taking a course in human sexuality, and during this particular class they were studying the Kinsey Report. As the professor was citing different statistics, he commented that one particular woman in the study had been clocked at having several hundred orgasms in a single session. There were several audible gasps in the lecture hall. A male voice piped up and asked, "Wow... who was she?"
A female voice followed with, "Never mind that, who was *HE*?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Buffalos Chips A Day Worth Of Humor in one mailing". Jokes,Toons,Links, Sweepstakes and Original Content all in one ezine. Try us again, we are new and better. Adult,funny and FREE.To Subscribe send a blank email to: Buffalos-Adult-Jokes-subscribe@egroups.com or visit us at Http://www.buffalosjokes.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1/1)
+=- Marriage Jokes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?"
The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."
+=- Tasteless Jokes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
** A couple are at an Art exhibition and they are looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback. The picture depicts 3 very black, very naked men sitting on a park bench; 2 have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis. As the couple are looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the Irish artist walks by and says "Can I help you with this painting. I'm the artist who painted it." The man says "Well, we like the painting but don't understand why you have 3 African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis while the other two have a black penis." The Irish artist says "Oh you are misinterpreting the painting. They are not African men, they are Irish coal miners, and the one in the middle went home for lunch."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Attention, internet users: the Funny Looking Net People Gallery is now accepting visitors to its collection of strange and scary pictures of people online. It's amazing! Bewildering! Gross! And it's free! Visit today: http://funnylooking.monsterserve.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1) Copyright 2000 Tom Evans Refs: 65880, 65881
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