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* What did the traffic-light say to the Martian? - Don't look now, I'm changing!!
* What did the Martian say when he landed in a flower-bed? - Take me to your weeder.!
* Why did Darth Vader turn down streaky bacon from the butchers? - Because the Empire likes back.!
* Who didn't invent the aeroplane? - The WRONG brothers!
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What's long and orange and flies at the speed of sound? - A jet-propelled carrot
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What do you call an astronauts watch? - A lunar-tick
* What would you get if Batman and Robin were trampled by herd of elephants? - Flatman and Ribbon!
* What is the difference between the Sun and a loaf of bread? - One rises from the East and the other from yeast!
* What's red and blue, drunk, and flies round the world? - Stuporman!
* Why does Superman wear such big shoes? - Because of his amazing feats!!
* How many ears has Captain Kirk? - Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the Final Frontier.!
* Which city is a very dangerous city? - Electricity
* Why did the frog jump into the swimming pool? - The frog wanted more space to swim
* What is green and bumpy and flies through walls? - Casper the Friendly Pickle!!
* How do crazy people go through the forest? - They take the psycho path.
* What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? - A stick.
* What do you call cheese that isn't yours? - Nacho cheese.
* What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? - Frostbite.
* What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? - A nervous wreck.
* Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? - They all have phones.
** What is ET's favorite year? - 19 ET 3 !!
** What alien has the best hearing? - The eeriest!!
** What did the invisible girl want to be when she grew up? - A gone-gone dancer!!
** What is a kangaroo's favorite TV show? - Dr. Roo!!
** What is a cow's favorite TV show? - Dr. Moo !!
** What do you call a beetle from outer space? - Bug Rogers!!
** What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? - You're too young to smoke!!
** Did you hear about the dumb ghost? - He climbed over the wall!!
from A.Mackie
** Doc: Mrs. Smith, you have acute appendicitis.
Mrs. Smith: I came here to treated, not admired, Doctor!
** Waiter, your thumb is in my soup.
Don't worry Sir, it's not hot!!
** When is a car not a car? - When it is stationary!!
** Where do you always need an over coat? - Chile!!
** What wobbles when it flies? - A Jelly-Copter!!
** What's yellow and swings from one Christmas cake to another? - Tarzipan!!
** What do you get if you cross a dog and a frog? - A croaker spaniel!!
** What's the difference between a witch and a deer? - One's a stunted hag, the other's a hunted stag!!
** Why are Policemen so strong? - Because they can hold up traffic!!
** Why does Santa enjoy working in the garden? - Because he likes to Ho-Ho-Ho!!
** Why did the skeleton cross the road? - To get to the Body Shop!!
** What can you use to cut the sea? - A sea-saw!!
** What do short-sighted ghosts were? - Spookacles!!
** Why can't two elephants go swimming? - Because they only have one pair of trunks!!
** What type of sandals do frogs wear? - Open-Toad!!
** What do you get if you cross elves with a sponge mixture? - Fairy ckaes!!
** Where do cow astronauts travel? - To the mooooon!!
** How do you start a flea race? - Flea-two-one-GO!!
** Where are teachers made? - One an assembly line!!
** What wobbles, can be eaten, and sits in a pram? - A jelly-baby!!
** Have you heard the tale of the brick wall? - I couldn't tell you, you'd never get over it!!
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