Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars Acura NSX - I am impotent Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people Chevrolet Chevette - I like people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart) Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above) Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie Porsche 944 - l am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic) Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than the Isuzu Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now
