... ** A door to door salesman knocks on a suburban door and it is opened by a 9 year old boy, puffing on a long black cigar. Salesman: "Is your mother home?" Boy: (After taking a leisurely puff and flicking the ashes on the floor) "What do you think?"
** Q. Why did the burglar take a shower? A. He wanted to make a clean getaway.
** Q. What do you get if you cross an Elephant with a Kangeroo? A. Big holes all over Australia.
**Q. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a car. A. Just park there. I'll be with you in a minute.
** What jumps from cake to cake and tastes of almonds? Tarzipan.
** How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
** Doctor, Doctor. Can you give me anything for my wind? Certainly, here's a kite.
** Where does Tarzan buy his clothes? At a jungle sale.
** Why did the biscuit cry? Because his mother had been a wafer so long.
** What do you call a man wearing tatty clothes? Fred Bare.
* What did the traffic-light say to the Martian? - Don't look now, I'm changing!!
* What did the Martian say when he landed in a flower-bed? - Take me to your weeder.!
* Why did Darth Vader turn down streaky bacon from the butchers? - Because the Empire likes back.!
* Who didn't invent the aeroplane? - The WRONG brothers!
* What's long and orange and flies at the speed of sound? - A jet-propelled carrot
* What do you call an astronauts watch? - A lunar-tick
* What would you get if Batman and Robin were trampled by herd of elephants? - Flatman and Ribbon!
* What is the difference between the Sun and a loaf of bread? - One rises from the East and the other from yeast!
* What's red and blue, drunk, and flies round the world? - Stuporman!
* Why does Superman wear such big shoes? - Because of his amazing feats!!
* How many ears has Captain Kirk? - Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the Final Frontier.!
* Which city is a very dangerous city? - Electricity
* Why did the frog jump into the swimming pool? - The frog wanted more space to swim
* What is green and bumpy and flies through walls? - Casper the Friendly Pickle!!
* How do crazy people go through the forest? - They take the psycho path.
* What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? - A stick.
* What do you call cheese that isn't yours? - Nacho cheese.
* What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? - Frostbite.
* What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? - A nervous wreck.
* Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? - They all have phones.
** What is ET's favorite year? - 19 ET 3 !!
** What alien has the best hearing? - The eeriest!!
** What did the invisible girl want to be when she grew up? - A gone-gone dancer!!
** What is a kangaroo's favorite TV show? - Dr. Roo!!
** What is a cow's favorite TV show? - Dr. Moo !!
** What do you call a beetle from outer space? - Bug Rogers!!
** What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? - You're too young to smoke!!
** Did you hear about the dumb ghost? - He climbed over the wall!!
