... The ultimate guide to what _not_ to put on a resume...
These are some (allegedly) real-life examples:
=> "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets." => "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. => "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable." => "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." => "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet." => "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." => "I am a rabid typist." => "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business." => "Proven ability to track down and correct errors." => "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far." => "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one." => "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me." => "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers." => "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage." => "I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant." => "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice-mail." => "Qualifications: No education or experience." => "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department." => Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
