... Fake Job Application Form for Burger establishment...
=> NAME: Greg Bulmash => SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. => DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. => DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. => EDUCATION: Yes. => LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. => SALARY: Less than I'm worth. => REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. => HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. => PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. => DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. => MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? => DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU => FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? => HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes. => WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. => DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely. => SIGN HERE: Aries.
