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| Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Monday 5th April, 2004 105,000 subscribers __________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Hey guys... Well.. I was half right about betting on the Grand National! As usual, my nags managed to make it around (finishing 7th, 8th, and 10th respectively) but just to complete my annoying run of bad luck, I actually tipped the winner (Amberleigh House) to all my friends earlier this week, before I decided I liked four other horses just that little bit more. Thus, one of my boys piled in to Am House at 20-1, and is now strutting the streets chuffed with his new-found prosperity. Annoying isn't even close ;-) And just to complete my unlucky streak, we had our annual poker night on Friday, which I managed to lose on the turn of the last card TWICE. ARRHH.. when will things improve!? Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + Totally New Funny Pic: CLEAN: http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/.htm AOL + Var Joke Four retired guys are walking down a street in Miami Beach. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar " ..." ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS ! ". They look at each other then go in. On the inside, they realize in this case, they should not judge the 'book by its cover.' The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully-stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis - shaken not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 cents each , please." The four men stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, ... ...."That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis, and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?" Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same....this place is only my retirement hobby." "Wow. That's quite a story." says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "Oh, those are vacationing Canadians. They're waiting for our 2 for 1 happy hour." + Dirty Joke When is @#$% Acceptable? There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows: 11. "What the @#$% do you mean we are sinking?" -- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912 10. "What the @#$% was that?" -- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -- Custer, 1877 8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -- Einstein, 1938 7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -- Picasso, 1926 6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras, 126 BC 5. "You want! WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" -- Michelangelo, 1566 4. "Where the @#$% are we?" -- Amelia Earhart, 1937 3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!" -- Noah, 4314 BC 2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" -- Bill Clinton, 1999 and a drum roll........... 1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad." -- Sadaam Hussein, 2003 For more jokes, stroll on over to: http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info. Advertising info:http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm Everything else:http://www.jokeemail.com/contactus.htm This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
