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| Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Friday 19th March, 2004 105,000 subscribers __________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Hey guys. Well, at least I can say today has been interesting.. My interview yesterday went okay, but no news yet so I'm assuming the worse. This is exaggerated when I was told only two people applied (2nd is 1st last..). Anyway, then I got a phonecall from another graduate career program with a huge corporate bank here in Britain. Apparently they wanna see me next week for an assessment day.. in Edinburgh.. the day after I have a similar day for another firm.. in Birmingham. For the uneducated among us, that's a distance of about 400 miles to cover the evening after my first assessment. Won't that be fun! In a good mood following that news, I set off to town to buy myself a nice new shirt to wear to both days - I figured maybe a checked white shirt with a dash of blue, to compliment my only reasonable tie - old faithful striped navy blue.. Two miles down the road and my car begins to swerve. Figuring it's a puncture, I return home, get changed, and scrabble around in the mud jacking the car, changing the wheel etc.. only to discover I've locked myself out of the house.. minus keys, wallet, and phone! Nightmare. It's also just begun to pour with rain. Being the quick-thinking genius I am, I spent the best part of TWO hours thinking up fantastic ways of getting back into the house. First, I unscrewed the shed door so I could gain access to the tools etc, in particular - a ladder. Sadly, said ladder was no way near high enough to get me to the only open window. Next, I fashioned together an interesting hook/wire/broom combination which I passed through the letterbox and attempted to hook the door lock from the inside. Many minutes - and extremely sore wrist - later, I was no better off. Finally resolving that possibly my neighbours could help, I set off next door looking like some kind of down 'n' out from the local care home. I was relying on them both: a) being at home, and b) recognising me. However, my neighbours were out, though they had the decorators in, who helpfully provided me with a ladder to reach the window. Thus, finally I was back in the house.. a mere TWO hours after I'd first left. I tell you, after that little 'experience', I'm ready for anything these graduate recruiters might throw at me! I need a gin.. Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + Totally New Funny Pic: ADULT: The Superbowl Halftime Show.. Uncovered! http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/superbowl.htm AOL + General Joke There was this fellow who worked in a post office whose job it was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "Oh boy,better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and read, "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had a hundred dollars in it which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Easter, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?" The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow, thinking of the nice thing they had done. Easter came and went, and a few days later came another letter from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was 4 dollars missing. It was no doubt those thieves at the post office must have taken it." + Mugshot of the Day! One from the archives... Don King Convicted! http://www.mugshots.net/don_king/index.html AOL + Marriage Joke A young wife, her boorish husband and a good-looking sailor were ship-wrecked on an island. One morning the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled - "Stop making love down there!" "What's the matter with you?" asked the husband after the sailor came back down. "We weren't making love." "Sorry," said the sailor. "from up there it looked like you were." Every morning after that, the sailor scaled the small tree and yelled the same thing. Finally, the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. "By golly, he's right," said the husband. "It DOES look like they're making love down there!" For more jokes, stroll on over to: http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info. Advertising info:http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm Everything else:http://www.jokeemail.com/contactus.htm This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
