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| Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Monday 26th January, 2004 105,000 subscribers ___________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Better news today. A few of my job applications have been completed, and I'm over the worst of my flu. Which is just as well since I have a reason to unchain myself from the computer at the weekend - a huge Birthday party for one of my buds! I can picture the scene now.. Tanquarey gin, maybe a crate of Kronebourg lager.. it's all good my friends! Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + Totally NEW Funny Pic: CLEAN: What REALLY Goes on at AOL Helpdesk.. http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/aol_help.htm AOL + Military Joke Useful Military Warnings "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F.Ammo Troop "If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance. "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth "If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay "Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anon "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies (And lastly) "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." -- U.S.A. Ammo Troop + Dirty Joke A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. "So, did you jump?" the father asked. "Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!" "Is that when you jumped?" asked the father. "Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door." "Did you jump then?" asked the father. "I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt." "So, did you jump?" "Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, "Boy, are you gonna jump or not?" I said, "No, sir. I'm too scared." So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his pe*is out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat!" He said, "Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this little baby up your a**." "So, did you jump?" asked the father. "Well, a little, at first." For more jokes, stroll on over to: http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info. Advertising info:http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm Everything else:http://www.jokeemail.com/contactus.htm This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
