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| Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Monday 31st March, 2003100,000 subscribers Don’t miss out on the return of the award winning series Six Feet Under! Only on HBO! Don’t have HBO? ORDER NOW! Take advantage of this EXCLUSIVE OFFER! HBO will give you $20 Cash Back! HBO is home to the HOTTEST Hollywood hits, live concerts, original films and great series like SEX & THE CITY and THE SOPRANOS The process is quick, easy and convenient. Just Click Here! http://mocda1.com/1/c/58526/94574/255999/255999 AOL users go here ___________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Just six days until the richest horse race in British racing - the fabled Grand National. Can't wait! Just like last year, I will be attempting not only to pick the winner of the race (my tip last year 'What's Up Boys' was leading at the last and was pipped at the post.. grr.. ) but also turn the entire day into some kind of quasi-conscious bar crawl. Sensible? Probably not. Enjoyable - certainly ;-) Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + One Free Facial Shipped to Your Door! http://mocda2.com/1/c/58526/79407/255999/255999 AOL users go here + TOTALLY new FunPages... CLEAN: Saddam's Mobile SCUD Units Discovered.. http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/scud.htm AOL + Real Life Joke "Real Notes to British Milkmen": * Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one. * Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk. * Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it. * Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk. * Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round. * When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress. * Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant. Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it. * From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk. * My back door is open. Please put milk in fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight. * Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday. * When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. + Sexual energy unleashed. A giant boost of sexual energy that works for any man at any age. Get Maxicor Now. Click here for your free 30 day supply. http://mocda3.com/1/c/58526/92542/255999/255999 AOL users go here + Dirty Joke There was a businessman who was going on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door,and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said, "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said: "Yeah, right......... Voodoo dick, my ass!" For more jokes, stroll on over to: http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ U wanna leave?See the base of this email for info. Advertising info:http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm Everything else:http://www.jokeemail.com/contactus.htm This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
