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| Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Monday 24th March, 2003100,000 subscribers STOP PAYING TOO MUCH for life insurance! SAVE up to 70%! Get INSTANT QUOTES in under 30 seconds from ReliaQuote, RATED # 1 Life Insurance Service by SmartMoney Magazine. http://mocda2.com/1/c/58526/97176/254155/254155 AOL users click here ___________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Do you ever get that feeling that you're being stalked by trouble? The nagging doubt that at any particular moment, something really, really, really terrible is going to occur? Happens to me ALL the time, but in the last few days I sense it in the air, feel it in my veins... 'Trouble' wants a piece of me... and that's NEVER good. See, the thoughts started flooding into my head after a particularly large night out in a local town. Partying with the boys and girls from the supermarket, I was tattered. So tattered - it appears - that I was talking sh*t to anyone in the club who would listen, and when that failed I started chatting up my own reflection (believe me, I don't remember ANY of this). Suffice to say, the gin and juice had well and truly flowed. Anyway, trouble began to brew on the dancefloor. I had been warned in advance that this particular club was often inhabited by numerous scallies looking for a scuffle, however I'm the kind of happy-go-lucky guy who can usually sweet talk my way out sticky situations. Problems began when one of our lads started to dance with some other guy's girls - never a good idea. Kinda like when my best buddy Wils decided to take a girl on their first date to watch 'Saving Private Ryan' - you know it's a bad idea from the very first moment, but somehow the wheels have been set in motion and it always ends badly... So, after the usual pushing, shoving, and holding back of mates, we got to the situation where myself and Adam (my fellow warehouse slave) were stood perilously close to the kid who was kicking off. Suddenly, the guy taps Adam on the shoulder, who turns around straight into a headbutt. The butt nailed him cleanly on the nose, but Adam showed great restrain and held back, sipped some water, and checked the damage. The other guy is know looking like a psycho, trying to climb over his mates to get at Adam again. Then he fixes his gaze on me - shouting and pointing like he's gonna do exactly the same to me. I just eyeball the guy while his mate's drag him off the dancefloor - probably not the wisest idea but let's not forget... I was tattered. Anyway, turns out this guy finally got ejected from the club, but not before butting another one of our boys on the way out. So, of the five lads who were out (including myself), the two who wanted to scuffle didn't get a scratch on them, whereas of the three of us who were older and wise enough to not get involved, two got butted in the nose. Thus, it seems to me that I was the lucky one.. the one who escaped 'Trouble' on this particular occasion. But as both you and I know, I'm never that lucky (remember my Superbowl bet?) and I'm telling you.. mark my words... I'm being stalked... and that AIN'T good... Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + NOW YOU CAN BE SIMPLY IRRESISTIBLE TO SEXY MEN OR WOMEN! Get more smiles, conversations, flirting and sex...virtually overnight! Click Here Now http://mocda3.com/1/c/58526/95881/254155/254155 AOL users click here + TOTALLY new FunPages... CLEAN: Fast Food Wars! http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/fastfood.htm AOL + Medical Joke Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery: "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy." "Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop." "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness" "Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!" "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?" "Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie." "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex." "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?" "Shoot, there go the lights again...." "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of them." "What do you mean you want a divorce?" + VIG-RX PENIS ENLARGEMENT PILLS 100% GUARANTEED, Doctor approved Full Money Back Guarantee - Overnight Delivery! Give her something to SMILE about! Click here for details: http://mocda4.com/1/c/58526/71839/254155/254155 AOL users click here + Animal Joke One day an out of work mime was visiting and hoping to earn some money. The zookeeper explained that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla had died suddenly. He offered the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they could get a new one. The mime accepted. The next morning the mime put on the gorilla suit and entered the cage. It was a great job. He could sleep all he wanted, play and make fun of people and he drew bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. But, eventually the crowds tired of him and began to pay more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. In an effort to recapture their attention, he climbed to the top of his cage, crawled across a partition, and dangled from the top of the lion's cage. The lion was mad, but the crowd loved it so much that the zoo keeper came and gave the mime a raise. Each time the mime taunted the lion, he got bigger and bigger raises. But one day he slipped and fell into the lion's cage. The mime ran, but the lion finally caught up with the mime and had him pinned to the ground. The mime was screaming and fighting for his life, yelling "Someone help me, PLEASE, help me!!!!" The lion leaned over and said, "Shut up you moron! Do you want to get us both fired?" For more jokes, stroll on over to: http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ U wanna leave?See the base of this email for info. Advertising info:http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm Everything else:http://www.jokeemail.com/contactus.htm This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
