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| Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wednesday 12th March, 2003100,000 subscribers PLANNING A VISIT TO WALT DISNEY WORLD? Kissimmee-St. Cloud offers a friendly neighborhood setting, drenched in sunshine and right next door to the Walt Disney World(R) Resort. To order your free VACATION PLANNING KIT ... Click here http://mocda1.com/1/c/58526/80348/250870/250870 AOL users click here ___________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ No time for a write up this morning. Having come down with a hefty bout of flu, cough medicine isn't keeping me particularly lucid... which is never good. Just gotta survive eight hours at work without doing myself a serious work-related injury. Could be tricky.. Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + Don't go another day without healthcare. Guaranteed Medical Card! Everyone Gets Approved! Free Health Care Consultation! http://mocda2.com/1/c/58526/94932/250870/250870 AOL users click here + TOTALLY new FunPages... CLEAN: Saddam Asks: "Is that your FINAL Answer?" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/resolution.htm AOL + Auto Joke A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1997 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped(both looking about 75 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A 1997 Ferrari GTO. It cost half million dollars!" "That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly. The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!" Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, Something whips by him going much faster. "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?' the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. It goes by again, heading in the opposite direction! and it looked like the old man on the moped. "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!" But again he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers with his dying breath, "Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror" + Don’t miss the return of the award winning series Six Feet Under. But you can only watch it on HBO! Don’t have HBO, then ORDER NOW! Best of all, if you order right now, HBO will give you $20 Cash Back! The process is quick, easy and convenient. Just Click Here! http://mocda3.com/1/c/58526/94574/250870/250870 AOL users click here + Career Joke The manager of ladies' dress shop realized it was time to give one her sale clerks a ' pep talk '. "Jane, your figures are well below any of our other salespeople's. In fact, unless you can improve your sales record soon, I'm afraid you'll have to let you go." "I'm sorry, Ma'am," said a humbled Jane. "Can you give me any advice on how to do better?" "Well, there is an old trick I can tell you about. It sounds silly, but it's worked for me in the past. Get hold of a dictionary and go through it until you come to a word that had particular power for you. Memorize it, work it into your sales pitch whenever it seems appropriate, and you'll be amazed at the results." Sure enough, Jane's sales figures went way up, and at the end of the month, the manager called her in again and congratulated her. "Did you try my little trick?" she asked. Jane nodded. "It took me a whole weekend to find the right word, but I did:.... ' Fantastic.' " "'Fantastic.' What a good word," said the manager encouragingly. "How have you been using it?" "Well, my first customer on Monday was a woman who told me her little girl had just been accepted at the most exclusive prep school in the city. I said, 'Fantastic.' She went on to tell me how her daughter always got straight A's and was the most popular girl in her class, I said 'Fantastic' and she bought $300 worth of clothing. My next customer said she needed a formal dress for the spring ball at the country club, which she was in charge of. I said 'Fantastic.' She went on to tell she had the best figure of anyone on the committee and her husband makes the most money. I said 'Fantastic' and she not only bought the designer gown, but hundreds of dollars of other merchandise. It's been like that all week: the customers keep boasting, I keep saying 'Fantastic', and they keep buying." "Excellent work, Jane," complimented her boss. "Just as a point of interest, what did you used to say to customers before you discovered your new power word?" Jane shrugged. "I used to say,. . . 'Who gives a sh*t ?' " For more jokes, stroll on over to: http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ U wanna leave?See the base of this email for info. Advertising info:http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm Everything else:http://www.jokeemail.com/contactus.htm This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
