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| Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Monday 30th December, 2002100,000 subscribers 1-800 CONTACTS - Exact Same Contact Lenses, Delivered To Your Door, For Less Than You're Paying Now http://psstt.com/1/c/58526/81738/232259/232259 AOL users click here ___________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ HAPPY NEW YEAR! I'd like to tell you I'm writing this from one of the centers of New Year festivities.. Sydney, Rio, NY... but sadly I'm stuck with working till late New Year's Eve, and short of me splashing out several thousand pounds to "chase" the New Year through jetting by Concorde to NY, I seemed destined to spend another Hogmanay with the relatives.. Still, if you thought things couldn't get any worse, think again. Not only did my Miami Dolphins concede 11 points in the final 5 minutes to the Pats, then go on to lose in Overtime (thus missing the Playoffs), I committed the cardinal sin of the casual sports gambler, and gambled on Miami to win the game. Bad move.. should've known better, because you should NEVER.. EVER bet on your team in a critical game. There are no ifs, buts, or maybes about this rule, but the temptation is just too great. SO, not only did Miami choke, they cost me a few bucks - a veritable double whammy. And it got worse. After coming to terms with the Miami loss, I realised I now needed the Jets to lose to the Packers for Miami to have a chance for the playoffs. Problem - earlier in the day I liked the look of the Jets, so I had a few bucks on them to BEAT the Pack. Thus, the ultimate sports fan's nightmare, the gut-wrenching 'Money Vs Loyalty' heartbreaker - do I support the Jets in order to win back my cash, OR pray for the Jets to lose and send Miami into the playoffs (in the process losing both bets). Agony. Kinda like your best mate having a beautiful mate, but putting her "off-limits". Bottom line: whichever way you look at this quandary, you're getting shafted. Exhausted after three hours of football, this was a decision too far for my booze-adled Frontal Lobe, so I passed. Yes, I stood up, stumbled to the TV, and hit the OFF button. Too much thought involved in trying to process the heartbreaker question, so I needed a lie-down. As it turned out, the Jets beat the Packers, knocking Miami out, and winning my bet. Still trying to figure out whether I'm happy about this... I could be a while... All the best for 2003, and enjoy the New Year's party! Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + Once a day, all day, all night effective treatment for overactive bladder. http://psstt.com/1/c/58526/86174/232259/232259 AOL users click here + TOTALLY new FunPages... CLEAN: Proof : Mince pies WILL kill you eventually! http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/santaclaus.htm AOL + Christmas Joke "May I take your Christmas lunch order?" the waiter asked. "Yes, but first i'd like to know how do you prepare your turkeys?" "Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die." + YOU NEED AUTO INSURANCE. YOU DON’T NEED A BIG BILL. Think you can save? Get free car insurance quotes from leading insurance companies. http://psstt.com/1/c/58526/69807/232259/232259 AOL users click here + Christmas Joke If only it were true.. A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, as they had not been dating very long. After careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note... romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Sears and bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note: Darling, I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled; I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love, Jimmie P.S. - The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing. For more jokes, stroll on over to: http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ U wanna leave?Click the link at the end of this email Advertising info:http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm Everything else:http://www.jokeemail.com/contactus.htm ___________________________________________________________ This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
