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| Welcome to JokeEmail.com's Joke Email ! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wednesday 13th March, 2002162,000 subscribers Get a FREE DIRECTV Satellite System! The same system that sold for $699 a few short years ago is now yours FREE! Click here to get yours! http://www.jokeemail.com/free/directv.htm AOL ___________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed either at the JokeEmail.com site, or through a SuperTAF Tell a Friend form on other humor sites. Removal instructions are located the end of this Ezine. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Hey, Finally found out my date of destiny - a week today at 2.30. Yes, in the next seven days I have to complete my program, write my report, and construct an elaborate Powerpoint presentation which shows I have done MUCH more work than I actually have. Ezzee.. And the worse thing is.. everyone else I know finishes their work a week Friday so I won't have anyone to party with come Wednesday night... B**tards! Note: Blatant plug: You can get a FREE DIRECTV Satellite System here! http://www.jokeemail.com/free/directv.htm Take it easy ;-) Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + TOTALLY new FunPages... ADULT: It's time for the paycheck... now.. BEG! http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/payday.htm AOL CLEAN: Secretary WANTED! http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/wanted.htm AOL + Women Joke Introducing the new, Improved MIDLIFE BARBIE: Now, at long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic... 1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors(half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living. 2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues. 3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror. 4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, wide-armed muu-muus. Muu-muus with tummy-support panels are included. 5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. 6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics. 7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer- leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch. 8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Fred (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do." 9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat. 10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke. 11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included. + ** HOT ** site of the day! Get a FREE DIRECTV Satellite System! http://www.jokeemail.com/free/directv.htm + Tasteless Joke A bear and a rabbit are out in the woods, and both need to have a dump urgently... so they each go behind a different tree and deposit a hefty amount of crap. Once finished they meet up again, and the bear says to the rabbit "Do you have problems with crap sticking to your fur?" To which the rabbit replies "No, i don't" So the bear wipes his arse with the rabbit. For more jokes, click here http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ To unsubscribe:leave-jokeemail@relay.netatlantic.com Advertising inquiries:advertinfo@jokeemail.com Everything else:webmaster@jokeemail.com ___________________________________________________________ This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
