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| Welcome to JokeEmail.com's Joke Email ! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Friday 8th March, 2002162,000 subscribers TOTALLY FREE OFFER!! Get your FREE Floating Heart Necklace before April 5th 2002. Grab one while stock last! (U.S. Only) http://www.jokeemail.com/free/necklace.htm AOL ___________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed either at the JokeEmail.com site, or through a SuperTAF Tell a Friend form on other humor sites. Removal instructions are located the end of this Ezine. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Hey, Weekend again. Phew. My java game is coming along now, but I have reached a HUGE problem with the computer word search - it takes over TWO minutes thirty to find a valid word of 5 letters. This is not good. I still have one week left before my demonstration of "the masterpiece" to my lecturer. I can see he's going to be very surprised by it (one way or the other). I'm going crazy, can you tell? I have left the house once in the last three days to buy groceries - the rest of the time I spend sitting in front of my pc with an intravenous line of Kenco Rappor coffee in my arm. Thankyou Kenco - you have finally made an instant coffee that resembles real coffee - You are my hero. And a bit of good news.. seems like my Dolphins are finally gonna get a running back who can actually run. Just get rid of Fiedler at QB (Bledsoe would do) and another deep threat and we'll reach the promised land... ... ... the SECOND round of the playoffs.. PS. Get a Totally FREE Floating Heart Necklace here: (Seriously!) Take it easy ;-) Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + TOTALLY new FunPages... ADULT: Jeffrey Dahmer's Childhood Memories http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/dahmer.htm AOL CLEAN: Noah made a Miscalculation http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/noahsark.htm AOL + Real Life Joke Apparently a true story... Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter. At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If they had only known. + TOTALLY FREE OFFER!! Get your FREE Floating Heart Necklace before April 5th 2002. Grab one while stock last! (U.S. Only) http://www.jokeemail.com/free/necklace.htm AOL + Dirty Joke Jeff and Mike were in an accident, and killed instantly. Upon Jeff's arrival to the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. "Where is my friend Mike?" Jeff asked. St. Peter replies, "Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven." Jeff was bothered by this and asked, "Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK?" So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous sexy blonde in a bikini, and a keg of beer. "I don't mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell," says Jeff. "It's not as it appears to be," says St. Peter. "You see, the keg has a hole in it, and the blonde doesn't." For more jokes, click here http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ To unsubscribe:leave-jokeemail@relay.netatlantic.com Advertising inquiries:advertinfo@jokeemail.com Everything else:webmaster@jokeemail.com ___________________________________________________________ This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
