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| Welcome to JokeEmail.com's Joke Email ! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Monday 18th February, 2002162,000 subscribers Win $10,000! Free Photography Contest- Enter Now! http://www.jokeemail.com/free/photo_contest.htm AOL users click here ___________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed either at the JokeEmail.com site, or through a SuperTAF Tell a Friend form on Gaspirtz.com. Removal instructions are located the end of this Ezine. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Hey, Oh dear.. the Java dissertation programming project is going from bad to VERY VERY bad. There is only one thing worse than going to see your lecturer and getting the brush off... and that's when you see someone else's completed project FOUR WEEKS early. Argh.. Seriously, if anyone has ANY knowledge of Java and applets, please get in touch with me asap - I can't seem to get the graphics to display right. Have a stress-free week... (hey, at least one of us will eh?) Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + TOTALLY new FunPages... ADULT: Please watch your step... http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/watchstep.htm AOL CLEAN: Time to recycle. http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/recycling.htm AOL + Valentines Day Joke Top Ten Valentines Day Cards rejected by Hallmark... 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk - But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow - Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store - In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie - I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class - Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished - But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass - Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny - So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 2. If you think that hickey looks like a blister - You should check out the one that I gave to your sister! and the no. 1 Valentines Day card rejected by Hallmark.. 1. This feels so good, it feels so right - I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. + Enter Now! Free Photography Contest- Win $10,000! http://www.jokeemail.com/free/photocontest.htm AOL users click here + Medical Joke One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant, twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. For more jokes, click here http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ To unsubscribe:leave-jokeemail@relay.netatlantic.com Advertising inquiries:advertinfo@jokeemail.com Everything else:webmaster@jokeemail.com ___________________________________________________________ This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
