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| Welcome to JokeEmail.com's Joke Email ! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Monday 28th January, 2002120,000 subscribers FREE Pizza Hut Coupons! http://www.jokeemail.com/free/freepizza.htm Free Pizza ___________________________________________________________ Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving Joke Email because you subscribed either at the JokeEmail.com site, or through a SuperTAF Tell a Friend form on Gaspirtz.com. Removal instructions are located the end of this Ezine. + The Starter ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Hey, Wow... what a weekend1 I don't think I have EVER had such bad luck over the course of two days. It all started so promisingly on Friday as I packed my stuff up ready to head home for a weekend helping the folks, and partying at night. But I should've known better... I should've realised things ALWAYS go wrong when I try to plan them too much. Firstly, my lecturer is missing from the first 9 'o clock lecture I have made all term, so that is a total bust (considering I needed to speak to him - otherwise, this would have been godsend, but that's just the way things are). This set the tone of the weekend, and things headed south pretty quickly. Summing up - train was late, meaning I missed the bus home. Finally get home and realise I have left my key at Uni. Evenually get into house and get changed to go out to town partying asap. Run to bus stop, only realising upon my arrival that the bus I intended to get was not running. Waited for next bus (15 mins later) but after standing in the rain for 30 mins I decide it's time to call in the folks to taxi me instead. The rest of the weekend continued along this vein, with the highlights being my PC crashing just as I was placing a bet on the football. Didn't place the bet, the team won. Then just for good measure, the exact same thing happened on Sunday.... man, my luck is DEAD. And then there's my Ernon stocks ... ;-) Have a good week, new funpages are down below. Tom Evans Editor - Joke Email webmaster@jokeemail.com + Western Joke Things You'll Never Hear In A Western Movie: "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!" "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution." "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys'room." "Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!" "Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?" "Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches." "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue." "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!" "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration." "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?" "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge." "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left... ....Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!" + YOUR will - INCLUDED With Your Membership! http://www.equalcoverage.net/13 Tomorrow might never come... Don't just leave it... WILL it! + TOTALLY new FunPages... ADULT: Knowing my luck... Rest day would be MY day on this island. http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/restday.htm AOL CLEAN: Management Training http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/bosstraining.htm AOL + Education Joke MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS Name________________________________ (If longer, please continue on separate sheet) School ___________________________________ Daddy's Company( or Net Worth ) ______________ 1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing X amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks his local CC to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of Y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Harry driving now? 2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Honduras and Fiona doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what? 3. Bertram fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds? 4. If Verity throws up four times a day for a week she can fit in a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost? 5. Marstin IV is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However, he only has access to the Hoover every third week. What's the price of new Electrolux ? For more jokes, click here http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm + Contact Information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ To unsubscribe:leave-jokeemail@relay.netatlantic.com Advertising inquiries:advertinfo@jokeemail.com Everything else:webmaster@jokeemail.com ___________________________________________________________ This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
