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| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joke Email Sponsored By : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 12 CDs for FREE (no credit card required)! What are you waiting for? This great deal alone should be music to your ears. With so many titles to choose from, you're bound to find some essential titles you just can't live without! Click for more details. http://by.advertising.com/1/c/58122/21993/65867/65867 AOL users click here Ad brought to you by: http://www.HighSchoolHumor.com/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1) ==================================== ### ~~~~ JOKE EMAIL ~~~~~~~ ### ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Keeping you amused every Monday morning!! ==================================== Vol. 15, No. 07 June 11th, 2001 ==================================== By Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email http://www.JokeEmail.com webmaster@jokeemail.com ==================================== ISSN number - ISSN 1471-020X ==================================== Subscribers: Over 51,000!!! This week's Special: ************************************************************** 50,000th SUBSCRIBER AD SPECIAL! We have finally reached the 50,000 subscriber mark... so we've gone crazy with prices! JUST ONE DOLLAR CPM! Yes! Just $50 to advertise to 50,000 people! Email advertinfo@jokeemail.com NOW! ************************************************************** For details for all Joke Email advertising, email: advertinfo@jokeemail.com =========================================================== This Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. If you wish to unsubscribe, you can find instructions at the end of this Ezine. Forward Joke Email onto your friends - make everyone start their week amusingly!!! ============ CONTENTS ============ + The Starter + President Bush Jokes + Bad Day Jokes + Career Jokes + More Bush Jokes + Geek Jokes + Lawyer Jokes + Dirty Jokes + Tasteless Jokes ------------------------------------------------------------------------ +=- The STARTER: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Hey Folks! Finally finished my college exams! Free for the summer! Well... not quite... I have a load of plans for new sites over the summer - cartoons, games, virtual cards, and much much more. At the moment I'm just trying to catch up on all the email I have been unable over the past few weeks - if you've emailed me and not heard back, please be patient... I'm getting there! First on my todo list this week is to get the Exclusive mugshot online at http://www.mugshots.net. I'm keeping the celeb's name under wraps at the moment, but all will be revealed sometime this week, and as usual you'll all be the first to know about it! Last week I told you about how Joke Email had reached it's 50,000 subscriber, we're now up to 52,000! When I first started Joke Email back in Sept 1998, I was originally looking at 25,000 target figure, but thanks to all your support we've doubled my expectation! To celebrate this figure, I've decided to slash our advertising prices for the next few weeks... the price of the top ad is now just $50 - equivalent to under $1 CPM. If you'd like to advertise your company to the Joke Email community, please email me at advertinfo@jokeemail.com Keep laughing ;-) Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email http://www.jokeemail.com ===== Want to win Free Cash every day? Try the newest Freebie site on the Internet today, FreebieClub.com. Of course it's loaded with free loot: great vacations, magazines and samples galore! Check it out and pass it on-it's worth it! The more people you tell, the more chances YOU get for cash. http://www.freebieclub.com/FC_MyFreebies.asp?redir=quick&a=68418 ===== For more free stuff by email. Check out http://www.Free-Info.com ===== Click the link below for TODAY'S DAILY HUMOR LINK! Bill and Buddy! http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00050610 ===== +=- President Bush Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** In a press conference at the White House, President George W. Bush, known for inventing nicknames for those around him, has announced that he has finally chosen one for his errant daughter Jenna. "I shall call her Mini-Me!" +=- Bad Day Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Having a bad day.... it could be worse.... Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998 ** Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse. . . . . A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her mentally retarded. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death. Your day's not so bad now , is it? -From Paul Jackson ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JobsOnline is your online resource for employment and careerinformation. Post a resume, review salary information for thousands of jobs, and take a job aptitude test - just to name a few of the services. All absolutely FREE. Act Now and you could Win $10,000 Instant Cash from JobsOnline! Click Here: http://www.onResponse.com/onr_ads.asp?a=68418&d=201 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1) +=- Career Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** The Engineering graduate asks: "How does it work?" The Science graduate asks: "Why does it work?" The Accounting graduate asks: " How much will it cost to work?" The Liberal Arts graduate asks: "Do you want fries with that?" -From Jeremy Page +=- More Bush Jokes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** If you were to stumble across George W. Bush struggling to keep from being swept away in a raging river and you had a choice of rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph of the death of a President...... .... what shutter speed would you use? +=- Geek Jokes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** I was reading the release notes Linphone, an internet-phone package when I read this: "It can now be run as a gnome applet, and also comes with a test program that answers calls automatically, so that users that don't have any friends to call can test whether Linphone works on their configuration." Says everything it needs to really doesn't it? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FUNNY PICTURES! The New AOL Banner! http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00050580 WebTV Sucks! http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00050581 Are you in Shape? http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00050589 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1) +=- Lawyer Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said that it didn't. The doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?" +=- Dirty Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show. Lady luck had smiled in her favour, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question. Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous as her husband drove them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow." "Relax honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her, "It will all be OK." Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door. "Where are you going?" Jane asked. "I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon." After an agonising 3-hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!" "What is it?" she cried excitedly. "OK. The question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.' " The couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber. At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly. So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days' events, faced Jane and asked the big question. "Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds." "Hmm, um, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the heart?" "Very good! Four seconds." "I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..." "That's close enough!" said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!! You win the $65,000!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Attention, internet users: the Funny Looking Net People Gallery is now accepting visitors to its collection of strange and scary pictures of people online. It's amazing! Bewildering! Gross! And it's free! Visit today: http://funnylooking.monsterserve.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1) +=- Tasteless Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change. All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news. Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him. "Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!" "Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ADULT CARTOONS OF THE WEEK. -- these are TOP! 12 Fingers??http://uGRIN.com/?118-239 Anal Exams due?? http://uGRIN.com/?118-240 10 lbs bag for.....http://uGRIN.com/?118-242 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(-) This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
