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| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joke Email Sponsored By : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Want to see something funny?? "A Funny Show With a Bit of Nudity" is a comedy film, which you can see FREE, on the internet, RIGHT NOW, just by clicking on the link below. This film has cost me a lot of time and money, and I don't ever expect o get my money back. All I want is for people to watch it and leave reviews and vote for it on the site where you view it. In fact, I am offering a prize, worth $100.00 for leaving a review. All you have to do is email me (email address on the video site) and say you have left a review, and your name will be put in a draw for the $100.00 SURPRISE prize. Just click on the link below, and you can view this funny film right now. Thanks, Steve. PS: You have a good chance of winning.......... last time I advertised in this newsletter, only about 4 reviews were left...... this time there may be more, but your chances might be 1 in 10 or so. Click below now........ http://www.ifilm.com/ifilm/skeletons/film_detail/0,1263,635018,00.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1) ==================================== ### ~~~~ JOKE EMAIL ~~~~~~~ ### ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Keeping you amused every Monday morning!! ==================================== Vol. 15, No. 04 May 21st, 2001 ==================================== By Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email http://www.JokeEmail.com ==================================== ISSN number - ISSN 1471-020X ==================================== Subscribers: Over 44,000!!! For details for all Joke Email advertising, email: advertinfo@jokeemail.com =========================================================== This Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. If you wish to unsubscribe, you can find instructions at the end of this Ezine. Forward Joke Email onto your friends - make everyone start their week amusingly!!! ============ CONTENTS ============ + The Starter + General Jokes + Topical Jokes + Topical Jokes + Sexist Jokes + Marriage Jokes + More Topical Jokes + More Topical Jokes + Dirty Jokes + Tasteless Jokes + More Tasteless Jokes ------------------------------------------------------------------------ +=- The STARTER: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Hey Folks! I'm still snowed under, but I'll be done in a couple of weeks and I can start work on those projects I've been talking about for so long! If you have time, please take a look at our sponsor - it's a short comedy Net film that you can watch online. And better still, if you enter a review of the film, you'll be entered into a sweepstake to win $100! Our advertiser tells us that the odds of winning are pretty good! See the advert for more details! As always - keep laughing ;-) Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email http://www.jokeemail.com ===== FREE Cell Phone Headsets! Help us promote safe driving during National Wireless Safety Week. Offers expires soon. Drive Safely. http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=68418&d=2529 ===== For more free stuff by email. Check out http://www.Free-Info.com ===== Click the link below for TODAY'S DAILY HUMOR LINK! Look at this new invention! http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00050803 ===== +=- General Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. There was no sound. He turned to the other guy and said "that must be a deep hole...let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom." The men found a bigger rock and both picked it up and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in. They listened for some time and never heard a sound. Again, they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it. One man spotted a rail-road tie nearby. They picked up the tie, grunting and groaning, and lugged it to the hole. They tossed it in. No sound. All of a sudden, a goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight into the hole. The men were amazed. About that time, an old hayseed farmer came out of the woods and asked the men if they had seen a goat. One man told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed...they had just seen this goat fly out of the woods and run and leap into the big hole. The man asked the farmer if this could have been his goat. The old farmer said "Naw, that can't be my goat...he was chained to a railroad tie -From Charles Russo +=- Topical Jokes: Foot and Mouth ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Cute Poem... Mary had a little lamb, she called him little Ralf ... but now he's burning in a field, coz he got foot and mouth! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -*-*-*-*-*-*-Get A Free E-Mail Account!-*-*-*-*-*-*- Get Ghetto! Get rid of that boring e-mail (yourname@yourisp.com) and get YourName@GhettoMail.net! Four megs of disk space (more than you'll ever need!), address book, plus lots more! Just Click Here: http://www.ghettomail.net AOL Users Click Here! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1ev2) +=- Topical Jokes: Bush Energy Policy ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** It occurred to me that the Bush Energy Policy could be summed up in seven words: Turn off the lights and bend over. +=- Sexist Jokes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Mommy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mommy?" asks the child. "Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on. A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?" "That, son, is the elephant's penis." "Mommy said it was nothing." "Your mother's spoiled, Son. +=- Marriage Jokes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** A man was in an accident and his penis was chopped off. He was rushed to the hospital where the doctor examined him, and after careful examination said, "We can replace it with a small size for $2,000, a medium size for $5,000, or an extra-large size for $10,000. I realise it's a lot of money, so take your time and talk it over with your wife." When the doctor came back into the room he found the man staring sadly at the floor. "We've decided," the man told him as he choked back tears. "My wife says she'd rather have a new kitchen." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They'll Pay YOU to talk! Dialfreecalls.com is the only site that pays you to talk. Imagine you get 2.5 hours of long distance FREE every month just for signing up with absolutely NO fees. All calls are carried by MCI/WORLDCOM and not over the Internet so they're crystal clear. Credit cards are NOT required. Sign up now it's FREE!! http://www.onresponse.com/onR_Ads.asp?a=68418&d=1703 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1) +=- More Topical Jokes: Foot and Mouth ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Atlanta, Georgia: Scientists at the Center for Disease Control today confirmed that foot and mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's Outlook e-mail application -- believed to be the first time the program has ever failed to propagate a major virus. +=- More Topical Jokes: US-China ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Now that the crew of the US spy plane that landed in China has been returned, it's time to start thinking ahead about the implications of the Chinese having examined the advanced electronic interception technology on the plane. While many experts are worried, personally I'm looking forward to next Christmas, when I will be able to buy my daughter a fine Chinese-made "Tommy the Talking Teddy Bear" with long-distance military spread-spectrum broadcast reception and decryption capabilities. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FUNNY PICTURES! Glass Bottom Boat Tours! http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00050592 The Cat and Mouse Game… http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00050593 Boneless Chicken! http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00050594 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1) +=- Dirty Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'Willy' (in tiny letters) on the black board. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word 'Willy' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets." +=- Tasteless Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too." +=- More Tasteless Jokes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** What did the dirty old man say to a bunch of school girls? "Hey girls do you wanna go turkey shootin?" "OK" came the reply "Good, you gobble I'll shoot." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ADULT CARTOONS OF THE WEEK. -- these are TOP! For users of WinDoze http://uGRIN.com/?118-313 Good Doggie...http://uGRIN.com/?118-314 Rent-A-Mob http://uGRIN.com/?118-315 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(-) This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
