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| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joke Email SPONSORED BY : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *** AniFlash.com *** AniFlash has great Flash-animated greeting cards and cartoons, including the increasingly popular "Little Ray" cartoons. Come visit Little Ray at the hottest new Flash site on the web! http://www.aniflash.com AniFlash ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(3) JOKE EMAILKeeping you amused every Monday morning!! ==================================== Vol. 10, No. 02 May 15th, 2000 ==================================== By Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email http://www.JokeEmail.com ==================================== ISSN number - ISSN 1471-020X ==================================== Subscribers: Over 17,000!!! For details for all Joke Email advertising, email: advertinfo@jokeemail.com =========================================================== This Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. If you wish to unsubscribe, you can find instructions at the end of this Ezine. FORWARD JOKE Email onto your friends - make everyone start their week amusingly!!! ============
------------------------------------------------------------------------ +=- The STARTER: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Hope you all enjoy the jokes, and don't forget to try Netsetter - it can DOUBLE the speed at which you surf the Net, and it is TOTALLY FREE! See below for details. Have a great week! Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email ===== Double your Internet Speed, Surf up to 100% faster! Why surf slowly, when you can supercharge your connection? Join for FREE today and you can WIN a Mercedes E320 !! TOTALLY FREE INSTALLATION, takes less than 5 minutes Click Here ===== For more free stuff by email. Check out http://www.Free-Info.com ===== NEVER MISS ANYTHING! Take control of your time! Schedule meetings easily. Get reminders - automatically! Manage all your contacts in your private address book. Find out about your favorite sports events, TV shows, and more - in advance. Organize your life with AnyDay! Click Here ===== +=- Irish Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Pat & Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before the morning break, Pat yelled "Mick, I've lost me finger!" "Have you now," said Mick. "And how did you do it?" Pat replied "I just touched this big, shiny spinning thing here like thi...damn! There goes another one!" ** Mahoney said to his friend McMaken, "I haven't been feelin' meself lately!" "'Tis a good thing, too -- that was a nasty habit you had!" responded McMaken. +=- Animal Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms. "Hey, lady," yells Larry, "Throw me the cat." "No," she cries, "It's too far." "I play football, I can catch him." The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street. Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers. Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement. ### Fun & Silly Greetings! ### Stop sending boring electronic greeting cards and send a Fun & Silly Greeting. Free greeting cards, funpages, jokes, cartoons, and more! All FUN and all FREE! http://www.funsilly.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(3) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Little Johhny trolls into school on Tuesday. The teacher stops him in the hall. "Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?" "Sorry, Miss, but my dad got burned" "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it wasn't badly?" "Well, they don't f**k about at the crematorium, Miss!" +=- "I Love You" Virus Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** From the end of an e-mail message I sent out, after I received the ILOVEYOU virus for the fourth time: Oh, wait, a new e-mail message says it loves me. I'd best open all of its attachments... Uh oh. It just downloaded a Metallica song from Napster. Bugger. ** After yesterday's worldwide strike of the "I LOVE YOU VIRUS", reports are already coming in that the virus is mutating into several stages. Within the next few hours, expect to see: => The original "I love you" virus => The "I like you alot" virus => The "You're nice, but I just want to be friends" virus => The "Look, it was just a date...don't get clingy" virus => The "Okay, I think its best if we don't have anymore contact" virus => The "It was late, I was drunk, you were easy" virus => The "Stop calling me, you unfeeling prick" virus ...and finally.... => The "That's it, I hate you and your stupid dog" virus -From Tom LaSusa, Senior Editor, Byte.com/Webtools.com and Ethan Welkes, Senior Producer, WinMag.com ** "Isn't it just my luck. Some stranger says to me, "I LOVE YOU" and next thing I know, I've got this virus..." ** The following letter was found in Manila a few days ago... }To Guerrilla }From Anonymous } }No, no, no. you got it all wrong. I said kill the _virus_, and }release the _hostages_. CyberTrash - A Very Spicy Adult Humor Ezine Three Quick Funnies - Every Single Day - WebTV friendly, Preview CyberTrash now at: http://www.humorhwy.com/CT.html Join Now - Send mailto:cybertrash@humorhwy.com?subject=Jokes4Me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(3/1) +=- Short Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** A woman walks into a cocktail bar, approaches the barman and says : " Can I have a double-entendre please?" So he gives her one......... ** Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?" ** Two elephants fell off a cliff. BOOM, BOOM. +=- Stupid Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes." "What did it say?" "Don't stand up in the car!" Quality Adult Humor! *Punchlines N More* Is Grade *A* Humor *Belly Laughs* *original* PG-R Jokes sent 2~U~4 X a week *Links* *Contests* *Trivia* Plus its *FREE* ~~Yes *FREE* email: mailto:Punchlines_N_More-subscribe@topica.com Or visit:http://www.angelfire.com/electronic/punchlines ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(3/1) +=- You Know You're Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** You Know You Need A New Car When.... => You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you. => You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced. => You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing. => The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk." => You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo. => Evel Kneivel refuses a free lift. => The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your car. -From jtjdt +=- Marriage Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "How many women have you slept with?" "Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit." Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her. "Okay," he said, then started to count on his fingers "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen..... Join the Buffalo for breakfast .. We are serving up a batch of Spicy Chips ( adult jokes ) with Lynn's Links and a garnish of sweepstakes and free offers . For reservations send a blank e-mail to : Buffalos-adult-Jokes-subscribe@egroups.com or visit Http://www.buffalosjokes.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(3/1) +=- Sexist Jokes: Women ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung? A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. Q: How do men define a "50/50" relationship? A: We cook -- they eat; we clean -- they dirty; we iron -- they wrinkle. Q: How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? A: All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs. Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: ONE .........He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. Q: What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? A: Any place without a drive-up window. Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man? A: Big Foot's been spotted several times. Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there. +=- Tasteless Jokes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes." So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes." I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What will be your second wish?" I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?" ** ALERT ** ALERT ** Clean Jokes!! Clean Jokes!! Jokes EveryDay will send you 3 pieces of clean humor to you daily! Sign up today for FREE!! Sign up below! JokesEveryDay: http://www.jokeseveryday.com Send a e-mail to: join-jokeseveryday@lists.dundee.net ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(3/1) ======================================================== FORWARD JOKE EMAIL - please pass the humor on !!!! However, we ask that you keep Joke Email intact and forward it in it's entirety. Subscriptions to this Ezine are FREE. Joke Email is published weekly. ========================================= To SUBSCRIBE: Subscribe@jokeemail.com To unsubscribe: jokeemail-unsubscribe@egroups.com Advertising Rates and Contact Information ------------------------------------------------------------- If you are interested in advertising in this Ezine, please send an email to: Advertinfo@jokeemail.com ========================================= Tom Evans, Editor http://www.jokeemail.com SUBSCRIBE: subscribe@jokeemail.com --------- Joke Email: Starting Your Week Amusingly! ------- This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
