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| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joke Email SPONSORED BY : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "People who like this sort of thing will find this is the sort of thing they like." --Richard M. Nixon Nixon said it best! If you like funny, quirky, or motivational quotes delivered straight to your e-mail box each morning... this is the sort of thing that you'll like. The Daily Quote List! Did we mention that it's totally free? To subscribe, just send a blank e-mail to: dailyquotelist-subscribe@egroups.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(1) JOKE EMAILKeeping you amused every Monday morning!! ==================================== Vol. 10, No. 01 May 8th, 2000 ==================================== By Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email http://www.JokeEmail.com ==================================== ISSN number - ISSN 1471-020X ==================================== Subscribers: Over 17,000!!! For details for all Joke Email advertising, email: advertinfo@jokeemail.com =========================================================== This Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. If you wish to unsubscribe, you can find instructions at the end of this Ezine. FORWARD JOKE Email onto your friends - make everyone start their week amusingly!!! ============
------------------------------------------------------------------------ +=- The STARTER: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Hope you all enjoy the jokes, and don't forget to try Netsetter - it can DOUBLE the speed at which you surf the Net, and it is TOTALLY FREE! See below for details. Have a great week! Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email ===== Double your Internet Speed, Surf up to 100% faster! Why surf slowly, when you can supercharge your connection? Join for FREE today and you can WIN a Mercedes E320 !! TOTALLY FREE INSTALLATION, takes less than 5 minutes Click Here ===== For more free stuff by email. Check out http://www.Free-Info.com ===== NEVER MISS ANYTHING! Take control of your time! Schedule meetings easily. Get reminders - automatically! Manage all your contacts in your private address book. Find out about your favorite sports events, TV shows, and more - in advance. Organize your life with AnyDay! Click Here ===== +=- General Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300." "Easy, Dad," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking." "Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth." "That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!" +=- You Know You're Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** You Know You're Having a Bad Day When... => Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists. => It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it. You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned. => Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party. => You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no. => You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch. ### Fun & Silly Greetings! ### Stop sending boring electronic greeting cards and send a Fun & Silly Greeting. Free greeting cards, funpages, jokes, cartoons, and more! All FUN and all FREE! http://www.funsilly.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(4) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side. ** Yo mama's so fat she's not kidding when she says "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!" ** Yo mama's so dumb, I've seen her yelling into an envelope, talking about sending voice mail. ** Yo mama's so fat people call her moses, cause every time she steps in water it parts! ** Yo mama is so poor she chased the garbage truck with a shopping list in her hand! -From jtjdt ** Yo Mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it!!! -From rob +=- Sexist Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Nine Answers Men Would Like to Give to Woman's Stupid Questions. ...But Never Will 1. No we can't be friends; I just want you for sex. 2. The dress doesn't make you look fat, its all that f**king ice cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat. 3. You've got no chance of me calling you. 4. No, I won't be gentle. 5. Of course you have to swallow. 6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time. 7. I hate your friends. 8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight. 9. I'd rather watch a porno. CyberTrash - A Very Spicy Adult Humor Ezine Three Quick Funnies - Every Single Day - WebTV friendly, Preview CyberTrash now at: http://www.humorhwy.com/CT.html Join Now - Send mailto:cybertrash@humorhwy.com?subject=Jokes4Me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(4/1) +=- Short Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** On the Space Shuttle, astronauts often have difficulties with constipation. Besides this, they have to seal up their wastes for return to Earth. In other words, they do what they can, and they can what they do. ** Hear about the guy who broke up with his girlfriend, who has a lazy eye? Says she was seeing someone on the side. ** I recently heard that scientists have isolated the gene that makes scientists want to isolate genes. ** A couple of years ago, two co-workers and myself were having lunch and discussing dyslexia. One of them mentioned you don't hear alot of public awareness about the disease. My response was 'Just Say On.' ** "Why do elephants drink?" "To forget" ** Now that he has dropped out of the Presidential primary race, Dan Quayle plans to devote the next few months to writing an unauthorized autobiography. ** Lawyers have the most despised profession only because the people who make copiers keep a low profile. ** Two trout are dining in a restaurant when one of them starts waving his empty glass in the air. The head waiter turns to another waiter and says, "I think there's a fish out of water." +=- Suess Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** CenSuess 2000 Person One or Person Two? Person Red or Person Blue? Do you live all by yourself? Do you live with someone else? Do you own the place where this was sent? Or just a poor slob paying rent? How old are you on April 1st? Just when is your date of birth? Are you a boy or girl right now? Would your doctor write that down? Are you Vietnamese or Korean? Chinese? Cuban? Puerto Rican? Japanese or Filipino? Two-thirds white or half Latino? Samoan aunt? Hawaiian dad? An uncle who's from Trinidad? African or black? Which is it? Indo-Euro Asian midget? Answer all and send it out, so we can get a proper count. Results arrive 2010, the date we do it all again! Quality Adult Humor! *Punchlines N More* Is Grade *A* Humor *Belly Laughs* *original* PG-R Jokes sent 2~U~4 X a week *Links* *Contests* *Trivia* Plus its *FREE* ~~Yes *FREE* email: mailto:Punchlines_N_More-subscribe@topica.com Or visit:http://www.angelfire.com/electronic/punchlines ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(4/1) +=- T-Shirt Slogans: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ => So Many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me. => I Suffer Occasional Delusions of Adequacy. => God Made Us Sisters, Prozac Made Us Friends. => If They Don't Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain't Going. => My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips. => (Worn by a pregnant woman) A Man Did This To Me, Oprah! => I Used To Be Schizophrenic, But We're OK Now. => What If The Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About? => I Didn't Climb to the Top of the Food Chain to Be a Vegetarian. => Coffee, Chocolate, Men...Some Things Are Just Better Rich. => Gravity... It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's The Law. => If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In The Kitchen. => In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's The Risk You Take. => First Things First, But Not Necessarily In That Order. +=- Marriage Jokes: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband." Join the Buffalo for breakfast .. We are serving up a batch of Spicy Chips ( adult jokes ) with Lynn's Links and a garnish of sweepstakes and free offers . For reservations send a blank e-mail to : Buffalos-adult-Jokes-subscribe@egroups.com or visit Http://www.buffalosjokes.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(4/1) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Becky," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I . . . I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "Everything's all right, go to sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I . . . I slept with your Sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your Mother!" "I know" Becky whispered softly. "That's why I poisoned you." ** Q: Why did the woman cross the road? A: Never mind that why was she out of the house? -From Dream Weaver +=- Tasteless Jokes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ** Chinese man had three daughters, he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest", said the eldest daughter. He then asked his second daughter who she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest", said the second daughter. He finally asked his youngest daughter who she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground", said the youngest daughter. ** ALERT ** ALERT ** Clean Jokes!! Clean Jokes!! Jokes EveryDay will send you 3 pieces of clean humor to you daily! Sign up today for FREE!! Sign up below! JokesEveryDay: http://www.jokeseveryday.com Send a e-mail to: join-jokeseveryday@lists.dundee.net ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(4/1) ======================================================== FORWARD JOKE EMAIL - please pass the humor on !!!! However, we ask that you keep Joke Email intact and forward it in it's entirety. Subscriptions to this Ezine are FREE. Joke Email is published weekly. ========================================= To SUBSCRIBE: Subscribe@jokeemail.com To unsubscribe: jokeemail-unsubscribe@egroups.com Advertising Rates and Contact Information ------------------------------------------------------------- If you are interested in advertising in this Ezine, please send an email to: Advertinfo@jokeemail.com ========================================= Tom Evans, Editor http://www.jokeemail.com SUBSCRIBE: subscribe@jokeemail.com --------- Joke Email: Starting Your Week Amusingly! ------- This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
