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| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joke Email SPONSORED BY : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FREE JOKES!!! Former Bob Hope script writer Bob Mills publishes M-F e-zine with gags from politically incorrect to tasteless, plus backstage Hope Show stories and movie reviews from a certified Hollywood insider. Sample: http://home.switchboard.com/funnysideup Subscribe: http://funnysideup.listbot.com/ or e-mail jokesmith@msn.com Subj: "Gags" for daily version or "Best of" for weekly only edition. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(-) JOKE EMAILKeeping you amused every Monday morning!! ==================================== Vol. 1, No. 07 September 28th, 1998 ==================================== By Tom Evans Editor, Joke Email http://jokeemail.freeservers.com http://members.aol.com/queequak/JokeEmail.htm ------------------------------------ This Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. If you wish to unsubscribe, you can find instructions at the end of this Ezine. FORWARD JOKE Email onto your friends - make everyone start their week amusingly!!! ============
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A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him. The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. The engine was sputtering along at idle speed. The preacher increased the speed of the engine and mowed a few strips. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of £25.00. Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, "What's wrong?" The reply came, "I can't get this mower started. Do you know how?" The kid said, "Yep." "Well, how do you do it? Tell me!", the preacher yelled. The kid replied, "You have to cuss it." The preacher rose up indignantly. "Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I've forgotten how to do it after all these years." With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said, "Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope and it'll all come back to ya." A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Tech Support," says the balloonist. "I do," replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault." A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop. "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!" The priest was preparing a dying man for his voyage into the great beyond. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
THE NEW YUCK TIMES All the humor that's fit to print. Bill Williams, your editor-in-chuckle brings you the only News-zine with laughter from front to back. Published three times a week. Email Mrlnff@aol.com, or http://thenewyucktimes.listbot.com/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(-) This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X © Copyright 1998-2004 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved. |
